earrings

have i mentioned earrings before? what i miss about summer camps and study abroads and what i'm looking forward to about the six week orientation at chuncheon, south korea is meeting people and sharing girlish confidences late at night in the dorms. like being an aries. or not having earrings. or whatever. i can't really remember any of them now.

so i don't have earrings ... i mean my ears pierced? but earrings are SO pretty right now, i like can't resist them. but i don't know how to go from being a girl without pierced ears to a girl with. is it a betrayal of core life values? am i just a huge scaredy cat?

why do the geico commercials crack me up every time? and will ferrell. since when did i go from someone who wanted to dress completely unlike anyone to someone who wants to dress just like everyone but better. is it me or everyone who has changed?

too many posts with "dreams" in the title!

getting kind of depressed and deflated. umm...and all my dream posts are funnily notable because i'll only write about a dream or even remember a dream if it involves a BOY! so now you know that all those posts came after hot and sultry sex dreams. great.

the reason for the depression, i guess, is because i feel pretty pointless at home. so few people are here and i'm too shy to even hang out with them. i "talk and don't talk" for hours at a time. and like i said, the only things that seem to really make me happy involve spending money! that in itself is kind of sad. my faithful red book of lists consist now of more "to buy" than "to do". yet they are depressing future porchases.

anhedonia? i'm so glad i learned that term from the corrections. now i can be vigilantly self-helpish about it! anyone else notice that recently i seem to be in a losing battle against myself? most notably on the physical front. at certain times i am just so disgusted with my body ... that feeling seems largely to dissipate as i'm on the treadmill or elliptical or whatever. and be replaced by a feeling of "oh my god...i am so bored and now i will slow to a walk." i should bring magazines, maybe? or my mp3 player.

but yes. tonight i'll spend some more money tonight at the wilco show. maybe a cute t-shirt if they can be had! or a poster for my future room in korea.

strange dreams

i've started working out, although i don't know whether a couple of days in succession really qualifies as starting. it always has in the past! but that is my major failing. i seem to be happier "starting" on sundays. today i have not let carbohydrates pass my lips. well i had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, but i think that i will let that be my guilty pleasure.

a few days ago i went to the yoga place near vassar and had a great time! why is it so easy for me to do things that cost money (join gym, pay for pilates, buy picture frames at linens and things, get nice haircuts, buy organic foods) as opposed to things that are free, yet equally productive and enjoyable (clean up room, organize photos, donate clothes to salvation army)? who knows. but now that i have isolated that variable i will dedicate my energy to overcoming it! can't buy me love, etc.

and tomorrow night i'm going to go to the wilco show! and next weekend i'll go back to philly in a cathartic second attempt at selling my old clothes to whoever wants them. and in the meantime ... working out and out and out and eating healthy.

this was a boring post but these are boring times. my strange dreams ... involved the conflation of two unrelated people. tantalized?

the sunset

what never goes away even with all the new housing developments and the new strip mall additions is the smell of white flowers and cut grass and humid air.