i usually get this sick panicky feeling when reading the blogs of people that i know through other people. and also when i'm sitting at other people's PCs. and oh yeah when submiting resumes to companies whose logos i can not at all understand or even decipher, like lord and taylor (they're coming to my school tomorrow to talk about repositioning, and the way i imagine it is that this kind of bluff gruff man will unveil a pretty le bon marche-ish logo. but, prolly not, and i'll be working on fin when this all happens, so this will remain totally a guess). so right now, i'm like, super...jumpy. it's not even midnight yet! and i don't know...i went through a period where i didn't shower or brush my teeth because i didn't have a clean bathtub or toothbrush handy. i signed up for all these classes. and i bought two tubs of german body cream, one which smells like rose and the other which smells like lime sorbet! lisa came over... the day before that, rob came over... and a few hours before that, i won a mug at wharton casino night! oh, my luck.
and in english class today we talked about how meaning is repetition, and meaning is pattern, and that there is that kernel of difference between observing and judging. i smoked a cigarette on the trajectory from freshgrocer to our house. and i took the penn bus west for the very first time! and i feel like some drug addict a la infinite jest or royal tenenbaums who is carefully taking her words from her mouth and placing them on a table. but there is no pattern. it's soo cold in philly!

so clearly i haven't posted in forever; it's another one of those slough of despond times for me! plus, i have no internet at my house at 4237 sansom street! but i do have a phone at 914-204-1750. won't get me out of this cold slough though. maybe i'll write something later, when i feel permeated with this strong sense of inner conviction and harmony. then i'd be more open to talking about what i'm feeling and more to the point, what i'm not!

oh man. somehow, i completely re-adapted to the american keyboard just by sitting down in front of my PC and being at home...sweet...messy...family inhabited...home. i hate this period of moving back into my house/parent's house, and all my toiletries are deep down in some bag so i have to just dig through the vials and jars of assorted shampoos and lotions and contact lens cases to get what i need. that one night when i'm confronted by all this crazy shit that i own, all the clothes and books and bears and photos and CDs and beads and pharmaceutical pens, and i just want it all to go away. maybe to goodwill, where they could use the flotsam and jetsam of this six month life hiatus.

so i have so much to do. write a vitriolic letter to air france regarding our luggage which was lost for a week and will probably never ever show up. try to finally, finally! figure out housing for next semester (aka, 10 days from now?). get rid of this queasy angry and annoyed at family feeling. figure out - is the cell phone mine? or my brother's? now that it has this ugly casing. decide on a concentration. unpack launder repack. master corporate finance. take out my contacts.