drunk you say? 10:15 on a sat-uh-day niite...this completely saturnine kir that i'm drinking, to dissipate the memories of this entirely frustrating day. i'm a little sick and spent the hours btw 8:15 am and 5:40 pm babysitting, for the rate of $5/hr. a fact i would discover only after the mom and ward had shuffled down my front steps and back into their lives, away from girls who need to pay the rent and take care of their lifestyles. omg! i looked it up - $5/hr is below minimum wage, and this woman def'ly called me 14 hours before she dropped her importunate child off. o.m.g. so kir, and i guess a short recap of this week at work. highlights would include feeling stupid when our CEO asked me to proof a form that we were sending to a client...pouring clients water from the top of a sports water bottle (image: milking udder. sound effect: milking udder. at once consistent and embarrassing - it was SO b/c i couldn't twist off the top. i didn't know it would attract as much attention as it did). getting used to a type of seasonal office patter which consists of reiterations of bodily complaints - especially when it comes from me. i hate being sick. but mostly, enjoying every day of my job, because i'm doing concrete work that i see the value of. sometimes i hear gossip about wharton; it makes me smile.

and...my brother did really well on his SATs, which i'm so happy about! i hope my mother sees fit to take a measured step back from the uneasy and 100% ulcerous campaign she has launched for/against him to 'perform' well in these last few months before early admissions apps go out (i heartily appreciate anything which profits from my mistakes in applying to colleges, though, so i'm on her side even while understanding the slack-jawed obstinacy he's practicing now).

and i mean, haven't had a drink in a long time, a temporary teetotaler in protest of "kato's" alcoholic ways.
but it feels so good to feel that the fog and dizzy-headed misguidedness of my life is coming from alcohol. and not age.

what a crazy week. really, really. i went home on saturday, which is always/never fun by train. i've only been driven home twice, i guess and always since it's the end of the year, all my possessions are at my side and things seem brutally uprooted about me. but anyway, home was great, the weather was beautiful, i felt fat and no one liked looking at me, and we saw the vivace concert at bard. then walmart where i bought lots of fun toiletry stuff. was feeling pretty buoyant about things, i guess, until my grades came up a few days ago (yesterday?). even though i did well in two classes i did Bwell in my two others. funny how freshman year, Bs didn't bother me, and now they do. and i even capitalize them. well, i guess they deserve that. but anyway, maybe maybe something magical will happen and i will wake up or TAs and professors will give me As, As, As. boy did i want to do well this semester.

so, even though my job is really fun (pretty fun!) i'm thinking that i might want/need to take that spec markets class this summer after all. to show that i can get an A in a finance class. once and for all! mmmph :^( why am i so bad at school?! (so rhetorical, because i know all the answers).

one of my greatest faults is impatience. in fact, i've said this myself, so i don't know why it bothered me when luis called me on it, a few months ago. but even a year ago...

[3/5/2002 12:03:48 AM | Joanne Yun]
impatience is my big problem (one of them). the cause of insane headaches all throughout high school on lab days. along with my disbelief in cause and effect and precision. if it's not meant to be, forget it. clean up and let's go home. this is coming back to my previous entry. because what i live for is serendipity, which you can't wait for. which is bestowed upon you. so if you insult me with so much as a blink i've already dropped you. if you bore me for as long as a minute i'm already far far away. it's callous and immature i know. but i drive it deeper into myself every time. impatience, the lack of decency. or restraint. i know this in myself and sometimes i find myself speaking already from those places. far away and looming above. already with head in the clouds, trying to move on. and then i get stricken by guilt. "what happens if one is not nice to the young man..." which is not quite the same. but echoing residual of my life always. cloying and immature.

a big "i told you so" for myself. because i love being right, in any temporality. and i love being consistent.

what goes along with this is my tendency to be incredibly, mindblowingly cruel to my best guy friends and boyfriends. who can't testify to this? but i'd really never be intentionally callous to my best girl friends. hos b4 bros! i don't know why i feel as though once i'm friends with a boy i am untouchable. :^D maybe it's because i think they can take it. or maybe i think it's because all boys deserve it.

and don't forget the cristal!

fitful dreams. all i can remember really is waking up from a dream where i was a senior in high school and my brother was in sixth grade (makes no sense) and had been beat up by bullies for talking to a librarian the wrong way. boy did i have no idea of what to do, and somehow thought that i would not be able to physically handle the sixth graders myself, so i had to call upon boy friends to do so. then i woke up, rolled out of bed, hopped onto bike, and to the green line cafe (yay colorful stained glass!). now at huntsman. taking frequent breaks. typing up my notes as i should've been doing all semester, but it's going pretty well despite rushed-ness!

ohhhh we've become really culinary lately, with bbq chicken spawning fried chicken (2x) and today, cold potato and macaroni salads and rigatoni and sugar snap peas. yesterday was steak of course. we just fall asleep after each meal, for hours and loaf and laze endlessly until prompted to roll out of bed. wake up with creased eyelids and go brush our teeth together. i worry that i have this lazifying effect on people...the tendency to indolence. tonite the stimulus was l'auberge espagnole, which was playing at the bridge - third time i've seen it and still soo good, though yes, it does somehow seem like propaganda for erasmus. no matter. oh yeah and i got a job today at the 'wedgie place'. i'll probably take it, b/c obviously i have only very tenuous alternatives...okay, can't concentrate on this anymore, because i have to study.

why did i think that i could survive without burt's bees lip balm? i'm crazy...i'm dedicated to very few products in my life, but they do include l'oreal plenitude lotion and that lip balm. it works. tomorrow i have my management 101 final, and also my english take home exam due. [sigh]...don't really feel like preparing for either, but i guess it is a small amount to ask: after that, only one exam and my research project for work to think about. washing dishes and figuring out the gas bill situation also fall onto the 'things to get done next week' list. going to the gym. figuring out what to do with this spinach! wearing the new pink dress... :^P i'm so sleepy right now and can't think of anything cute to write, but today was really cute. a nice sunny day and time moved alternately quickly and slowly.