the best cereal is the sugary honeyed total i learned from manoj.
the best new fonts are 'times new lobster', 'zoodings', and 'britannia very bold'. ;^)
the best new software is jmp [in 4]
the best old/new voice is sean lennon
the best look is tenuous
the best city is philadelphia
the best myth is tristan and isolde
the best smile is a hug
the best santa claus is the pizza horse
the best love is the shiny one

i think i really woke up this morning to the slamming sound of garbage trucks' backdoors and afterwards, what i thought was screaming. and now i'm thinking, not working, and why am i trying to forget everything that has ever happened and just look forward? all my life i thought i was the chosen one because i walked down streets seeing what i saw and it seemed so obvious that my view was the only relevant one or even the only one extant. because no one else can see out of my eyes. my greediest life. it was a very visual thing and a few minutes ago i saw myself from outside. what does it mean to engage in war? when we none of us have anything to prove. to exact justice or to uphold some basic respect for human life? there are grassy hills where you can lie in the summer with your eyes hemingway red against the sun. and then i try to put all this happiness into my voice but i think how i sound is the giveaway these days. i hear what other people love and then i wilt a little. what i love i play again and again. when i am some certain amount of perfect...

finishing up a french essay those last 4 lines is tough. woke up just now from the middle of a dream where i was alone asleep on a small motorboat, and woke up in the middle of some south american chain of islands, and met my brother and mother also on small motorboats. i have what i would like to term a busy day coming up and i hate that i feel so staunch.

um i'm not done with design yet, but i want to forget that yesterday nick the RA picked on me mercilessly and also has not returned my drawer and the plate on which i served him a delectable pband j sandwich which he did not even deign to eat. yuck. going to learn some flash today, maybe?

going to update everything soon. there! now i hafta do it...it'll be ril good fall 2007 style. just you wait!

sometimes, or often, when i'm in school, there's this raging sense in my brain of shrinking and shriveling and turning into an unappreciable raisin of withered thoughts or memories which are easily lost amongst chair legs and carpet pile. we talked today in french about this amazing ability of the artificer hero [i am very much paraphrasing and shining this up], cf. odysseus the resourceful or tristan the perky. to invent an identity for self-preservation. courtly love.

often with my flagging sense of what's real and what is just happening, or happening to happen, my inability to do things with conviction or enough momentum to make me better and stronger, i artifice too. i will my eyes to glaze over and my head to drop precipitously with boredom, i fall onto my bed with some kind of thud of despair. some conversations i overhear make me wonder where i am supposed to be, or who i am supposed to be, instead. what kind of either taking part or far away in somewhere more fragrant and troubled. so selfish. but really until i have some picture of myself and practice my smile a little better i can't do anything else. i wonder why certain conversations don't synchronize as they used to while other things... because i'm tired of this drive for style but also of such ugliness. criticism. blindness. some kind of unceasing pain i feel close at hand. the competition for angst. not for courtly love.

for something far more relevant for today and un self centered: anand.

"Was a time...
when I thought I could talk down to all my friends
when I could not be considerate to you."
-the pernice brothers

today i met everyone twice! first friday ended up being just like discovering big jar and aka. whoooooo we live in mcsweeneys or citysearch.com.philadelphia! but really, woooo! because momma got some paint samples from big kmart [martha stewart hegemony kmart].
"this ain't my register!" -some ho at cinnabon who saved me and tony from 450 calories and $2.49.
foodtek = g.h.e.t.o.g.r.e.a.t diner!
green has elected itself my new favorite color for about a month now.

indian boy with a pet cell phone and glasses he wore like a windshield
girl with a full bright pink rose balanced in flour white fingers, a dirty callus on her right heel
so together, sideways touchtalking on septa
then doing the flamenco with those cage-y subway turnstiles on the way out
his voice was nothing like anything i want to know
and their conversation was reflective and harsh in the humid air but

if you didn't take pictures, it means you had more fun
"and on a related note" tony caught me on my looking at mirror obsession at foodtek. the root of that, which i don't think i've ever told anyone, is seventeen magazine saying in a survey q/a that if you look in a mirror more than 20x a day, you're so insecure you're a dishrag kind of thing. thereafter i started looking at mirrors like 200x a day...ack! but i feel like also i'm looking for the perfect reflection in a long day. whatever yo!!

classes start tomorrow. yay! because definitely one of the worst cases of memory loss and distance ever, i need to be listening to a constant stream of words in english without being able to reply.

without my 'vaulted' ceilings and the scientifically calibrated feng shui of KC310 i feel as though i am nothing. "get thee to a nunnery" is more the theme of my room right now, with the sad anti-suicide window, lonely narrow dalloway bed and builtin bookshelves. we went to an nso event just now to get free food and my ego faints down a little each second. feebly trying to pimp the SMarioBros style using the styrofoam monitor hug pieces (thanks rob!). but like, overtalking, overarching but i can't seem to look anyone in the eyes.