jesus, don't cry

fortune cookies that we opened yesterday said, respectively, almost:
"you will get your heart stolen by a friend from the past"
"do not be timid - carry out your plans for a big adventure"

and that was after the whole weekend happened. which included shoddy haircuts, a car accident, baltimore harbor, crabcake platters, austin powers, bistro francais, and tryst. and goodbye.

the actual people are almost definitely tired of my bitching about everything in my life right now, so maybe i'll just write it down and find myself speechless.

• the secondhand camera i bought is practically beyond repair, according to the shop


• my boss at the restaurant told me not to come in, because they were training a new girl, but when i went to eat there later, there was no such training in sight


• my non pro-rated rent for the month of august means that i need to move out of my apartment before august 1st. i still have no firm idea of where i'm going to go. hostel? scott's? argh


• and my supervisor at 'real' work has a proclivity to hostile and unsympathetic e-mails. terrific


• my job continues to persuade me of the total unreality of 'information'. too bad!

what comes of reading the book i'm reading

turbocharged
normal-to-oily
carboladen
vagabond
it's almost time to go home.
(the common wisdom of my waspcolleague says
"overschedule" and "excel" or "overscheduleandexcel")
my problem remains this one
i never remember
that everything you did,
and you and you and you,
i would do it unto you
yea and a thousand times again.
"that doesn't make it right"

so - here i am at my very own library (same way that i say "my restaurant" when i talk about a place i associate myself with, but sounds all doofy and that pastor in pride and prejudice-ish). basically i'm sitting in a carrel in rosengarten, where it's nice, cool, and empty, and surrounded by greenery. gosh, what a crazy ride i had here. the metro in d.c. doesn't open until 8 am, so i tried to catch a cab from foggy bottom to the greyhound station, which is in a bad area of town. two cabbies totally rejected me, and then i was picked up by this really nice guy who explained that it's a bad fare - probably only crossing 2 zones, or something, and that most cabbies out on sunday mornings are looking for airport fares. but he got me to the semiscary station, and then i prepared for the usual terrible greyhound service. it's almost worth the misery and shock of dealing with the people at greyhound because it's like, surreal! ugh. their job seems to be to maintain a shoddy and demoralizing rapport with the customer, much as cvs is allegedly supposed to look messy and disorganized. and then the bus smelled of shit because i guess they hadn't cleaned out the restroom, and etc etc. i tried to sleep on the bus but only just doze fitfully and apprehensively. thinking about situations and how/whether i can resolve them, as various cities, rivers, and industrial complexes swum in and out of view. finally got to philly, started walking in the wrong direction, grabbed a dunkacchino (great value for the money!) and strolled around a little bit. now i think i'll leave my little arctic incunabulum (totally wrong but i'm not sure of the word i'm actually looking for) and head to meet katy. who's getting married. in less than a month!

mm. one of the best things i heard this summer came from my boss at the restaurant, when i mentioned that i thought he'd really like minority report. he looked up from his piece of sushi, and said, "i know i will. i love movies about the future."

i'm going to send someone a package with only very small things inside. and maybe he will be surprised that i've only given him some various small things. but then isn't it better to think of some array of small things on a rumpled comforter, sitting happily in the sunshine? much more than the thought of say, a playstation 2. but i don't know what to do anymore with the letter i wrote and meant to send with it. and should have sent a long time ago.

sitting in the GWU library and unable to take out this book on photography which is exactly what happened nearly a year ago today, in a different library in a different city and that same poofy sense of resignation washes over me. or has it been mostly with me this whole time? anyway. today was one of those walking alone days. i woke up and made a pile of apple pancakes, hauled ass to two CVS's in order to get a total of $70 via cashback (so illogical...so inefficient...the ways i like it), and then metro-ed to bethesda, where i got my hair cut (mostly bangs cut) by someone i heard about through the korean grapevine. very happy with my haircut and rendered less skeptical about the effects of blowdrying. then i wandered over to the mustard seed whcih is a cleaned up new/used clothing store where i got such nice things (benetton sweater, lux skirt which i'm wearing now, and a little kelly greenish coach handbag, woo!) even though this week i bought a camera and zoom lens and yesterday went out for dinner and drinks with fun kiplinger's folk. but in some slight financial backwash, the photo booth that i went to today took and spit out 12!! pictures of me. not all good, but definitely worth it and i've never done that before. i have to see whether i can sneak back in that direction, because i perhaps unwisely told the store owner what happened and he sputtered and muttered and wasn't even going to let me take all my pictures home! goodness. oh g-money. france might have to be one long financial breathholding experience at this rate...aack!

i guess now what i feel like doing is crouching over a fire and turning pages. i have all my equipment with me :^D i was slightly inspired o'er margaritas by one of my co-workers yesterday, who broke up with her boyfriend after girl/boy future intentions became apparent. this was done tearfully, and at length, but all for the best. i love/hate how basic banal conversations can render someone so much more human. oops! the library is closing. i've been forewarned.

jayhawks smile - some of my stickiest, slowest, memories are of the walk from university city station to king's court/hamilton (x2 for hamilton due to distance and uphilliness!) inevitably the return home signalled the end of some silly or sordid adventure. it always seemed really moist or actually was raining outside. no earthworms on the city streets. i was also usually hungry/thirsty/sweaty/humming to myself.

oops didn't hit shift+enter; well i'm too lazy to fix that ish now. tomorrow at 9:30 i'll finally go to the doctor's office and hopefully i'm not pregnant or dying of [insert victorian disease here] because my back is getting better. maybe... then woodbury. legshaving and eyebrow plucking seem in order :^P so funny...on a woodbury trip eve i lack any sexual desire for 'goods' anymore. why? guessing will be duly rewarded. i'm so happy to be at home. as usual the more i talk through my life the sadder i get. and happier as well.

at home and blogbot is still with me! at home and there's no looming threat of network administrators or other authority figures (maybe the first time i've ever written/said "authority figures" in my life!) my dad just vacuumed the inside of my comp then installed a cd burner drive in it. it was so nice of him...i just asked him whether he could let me burn some cds with the other computer's burner, and when i got back home a few hours later, there was a brand new translucent blue drive in my computer! my goodness...all this time that i've wanted a cd burner and now of course i'm not sure what to burn! am i totally liberated from purchasing any more cds? currently SO jiggling with electricity with belle and sebastian 'i could be dreaming' oh my. tonight and yesterday i went out with anand and mike [oh names] +/- andrew and jamie. of course...felt really girlish and yes "linchpin of dignity"-ish

for the first time at work i was more than bored. it felt like some cold granny had come behind me and was leaning all her weight on my body. unable to turn around, or to speak, all i could do was keep on checking lists against other lists. and hope it was 5:30. my sore throat [right] and bad back [left] need fireworks and corn on the cob!

hrmph. never trust the wmata bus schedules. if not wrong, they're egregiously wrong! so i ended up "splitting" a cab with jigger [?] to foggy bottom last night, when i should have jolly well have stuck to my guns and waited for the bus i halfknew would come.

somehow blogging via IM seems less reprehensible (though the moral ramifications of being on IM, even, have been only cursorily examined and ignored. blah.) anyway, so lots of tings happening.

re: my broken and shambly back...i'm kind of apprehensive for any doctor visits. remembering again ursula's pitched accusation to birkin "pay so little attention to his body as that" (sic sic) and how unaware i am of even my physical self. then again. i really do think it's just a strained muscle, not anything to get me thrown out of the tribe. i hope, i hope, i hope.

and...today as we walked lamely and lately to work, hanseul and i saw a photo booth. really old school! between pennsylvania and I. and to think, just yesterday i was going to search for "d.c. photo booths" on google...