video game dreams

have been among the most fun and also most frustrating to have. usually they are very super mario bros based, last night was no exception. in fact last night was a whole mishmash of really intense and self-indulgent dreaming. today i feel rich! today i feel free! today i will shop!!!

the reason it's been so cold in my room for the past few days - my window was open.

offer

scared of blood

i've been REALLY scared of blood and pain for a couple of years now. i think it's something i've psyched myself into to some extent, but it's SO 4 real. i hated watching kill bill last fall because i was so frozen in terror at seeing all the "cartoonish" violence on the screen. not sure i would've really enjoyed it even without the surfeit of violence but anyway - so i just cut my finger while trying to straighten out the nail on my full length mirror and i freaked out.

not like screaming, or even feeling that much pain really, but really scared. when my mortality or corporeality are questioned i go CRAZY! like, heart poundingly crazy! from a mere scratch.

studying for marketing research, which reminds me that i had the most caustic interviewer today who was totally cynical and asked me questions that hold my wit at bay. also played literati for like 45 min i'm sure w/ won...who is going bk to california tomorrow for his citizenship oath! whoa!!

and we watched the graduate and sabrina (1995) today and yesterday night. i'm so sick of my unwillingness to try new things. i'm easing into it by eating at lots of different places this week: the new mexican stephen starr (overrated and i'm delighted to jump on the bandwagon i'm sure) and maybe drinks at the cute french place w/ my lyonnaises. okay, finishing up so as to study and ace!

totally broke all aspects of the diet yesterday, but mysteriously woke up hours earlier than 'usual' as well. have i finally caught up on my sleep deprivation (which really didn't exist) or was it the plateful of brownies? i do not know. some notable events of the last few days:

• modelling in JMHH F85


• hanseul coming over (still over!) and us drinking coffee in lots of different places


• and us buying clothes in lots of different places (anthropologie sales...never GOOD but happily thorough)


• me trying to be a nicer person, more consciously and actively than in the past


• lots of interviews in different cities. however my new motivation to find a job is probably to go buy coachella tickets more than anything else. i will not let myself do that unless i am gainfully employed!


• a "90-95% chance" of winning the fulbright to teach english in korea. that doesn't count for the preceding item


• taking exercise classes at the gym which SLAY ME every week