yesterday: arab strap/bright eyes show. almost enough patience to last it through, though we arrived exactly halfway in the middle (enough to catch arab strap's soporific ness). and arrival of clothes in the mail, and frantic microsoft word app for appetito, and calypso, and the scariest moment in a long time outside of huntsman. and realizing that you don't have to make love so difficult...

today: hanseul in DC, the land of many many memories and an extraordinary public transportation system. albeit only for a day though, and i really hope that's okay with the woman i'm supposed to be interviewing with!

travis - so great, so reminiscent of freshman year. now we're seniors-ish! like, hey day was friday, and it was pretty fabulous, in the drinkin' wine out of water bottles like jesus way. and the exhibitionism, the herd mentality. the dirtiness. dinner at pietro's afterwards (never take the pancetta out of something it's already snuggled inside of) and then...manoj's bro, playstation, and a ksa party where i actually felt okay 4 existing. and then home...and the next day another "time flies when you're having love" kind of day. honestly, we keep looking at the time and it keeps being 2.5 hrs after the last time we've checked. about all we managed to do was bake a cake and wash some dishes together.

meanwhile, today was beautiful. i woke up to a missive signed vercingetorix via babelfish. i shook and shook and shook my head [but it didn't fall off]. why is this allowed? why am i so unworthy? why is the weather so nice? why did i get a bloody nose today?!?

4237 sansom street
first it was apple cider
BYOJ
now we eat cheez curls
You's a Ho
get scandalous
the french language
um yeth

oh, i just missed posting something for my birthday. but that's okay. i just got back from the yo la tengo concert at the trocadero, which was pretty amazing! otherwise, it was a really immobile day...we stayed in bed until four o' clock, which def'ly prompted the derision of luis, whom we joined then to eat some excessively late breakfast. yes, i'm lazy. sometimes i just like to take it further than other days. a girl doesn't get thrown a surprise birthday party every night, after all! ahh, i love my friends :^D and the birthday party was even BETTER because manoj and i were drunk as we came in, spilling through the door under the influence of 5/7 bottles of red wine, and me, hiding behind him as everyone launched into 'happy birthday'. full of delish rx food and so happy to see all my friends! and the night before, won was my hero...bringing bananas (serotonin?), red bull, and energy elixir (!!!) to my rescue at 2 am, as i feverishly/reluctantly wrote my paper for professor mahaffey. absolute angel.

such a strange and 'bracing' dream. i was starting study abroad in london today, and hadn't made any arrangements. i got to an airport and on a plane and found myself in london with nowhere to go and no one to see. suddenly it wasn't london, it was paris. then it wasn't paris, it was seoul. my mom called me and i had a lot of explaining to do. it was a rainy night.

i think this is the end of spring fling for me. my legs are mud-splattered, my lungs are rasped and ragged, and i feel so so fat. this weekend was really just like consumption of liquid and sometimes solid calories, punctuated by periods of slow and rangy movement. today was fling in the quad, and the weather was great for it...we saw this incredible [the people i love are coming down on me hard for my use of superlatives - when i say incredible, i think that i mean SKANKASS] girl who was wearing a bra! mind you this bra was "underneath" one of those tops that ties really low in the back. it looked so, so, dumb. i'm gonna die for talking such trash about some girl i don't know. typical gossip consequences. but -

CHIL'E if u r gonna put yourself out there don't hold back! we were debating what kind of punishment we could mete out on her. boo!

yesterday was the concert at franklin field - we saw basically jurassic 5 and busta rhymes [how is it that i've seen busta rhymes 2x in my life] and it was freezing and strangely set up but so much fun. i was afraid i was going to get sick on the strangers in front of us, i was reallly struggling during the first half of the concert!

i've "finished" with my 3 international studies credits [oh work that magic - it does feel good to beat the system!] and i went to a talk by/lunch with the french ambassador to the US, which almost rekindled my youthful dreams to become a diplomat. but of course, not quite, because there's a reason those dreams were ludicrous, and why i completely dreaded the prospect of having to take another int'l studies course. i'm so uninterested! :^( but then. what isn't uninteresting on some level? :^D

my cheap ho boots came, from j. crew! the extraordinary thing is that my left calf is way fatter than my right one! and so only one fits. i don't know how to amend the situation, but it's a good goal to work towards: well proportioned and hot legs which can be booted. similarly my face as always is so fatty fatty. this weekend is one of the last ones before things get crazy and our junior year ends...still no word on jobs, and my house situation is kind of vague, too. i'm dealing with ambiguity.

immense sigh for senioritis! maybe we're enforcing it in each other, but i think mostly everyone is sick to death of going through the motions of classes and meetings and going out and coming back and being at school! the weather hasn't helped at all; we're going to end up with wet bums (stoned?) sitting on franklin field for spring fling. hanseul what WILL you be missing?! :^D although...well whatever. there is this unsolaced brown paper bag gloominess about these recent snowy and windy days which is just so wrong!

my watch is broken. so i'm looking around for new ones. i think i can trace my watch back generation by generation by brand thusly! spoon, flik flak, skagen, swatch, swatch, swatch, flik flak. is it time for something new? i mean, i can still tell time with this one [the one i split with andrew like, thanksgiving of freshman year!] but it will never make the jump to daylightsavingstimespeed. :^(

i'm such an idiot. or rather, why can't i stop being so completely lazy? i was supposed to go see christina perform at the full measure concert tonight, but was so sleepy, i took a nap and never woke up. i hope she/everyone forgives me [paranoia talking]. meanwhile though, it's been busy here at 4237 sansom! last night we went out and watched the superlative chicago in olde city (ran to every single ritz theatre like idiots!), then met the newly triumphant lisa b at sheryl's b-day party. oh med students. oh life! and who knows what has happened in the more precedent days?! my memory fades.

i'm reading beckett. again. but this time in an ENGLISH class. [groan]

had a 'totally sweet' conversation with anand maybe yesterday, too, which made me really happy, because it teaches me not to dismiss everything so out-of-hand. in a similar vein, i'm so happy with my enforced netscape radio listening. it's worth the 15 minutes i spend every day mouse-fiddling with it, especially i hear bands that i've already kind of completely pooh-poohed based on their names (for ril - i mean, being a girl of the 90s i am so mystified by all this my morning jacket or the sea and cake when i'm so used to those great one-short-word band names -and i shan't list them, you know what i mean - or just bands named for someone in the band!) and okay, today we bought rat poison. we're officially prohibited from eating off the floor anymore.

and next year i'm gonna live with veronica anna and chantal! 4041 baltimore! HOT! i'm so excited...and slowly as my life gets busy i begin to trust a little bit more. like, i can delegate the job of making me feel lovely/loved to other people. one question, though. is it really my bangs which are making my skin so terrible! [anguish]

on the one hand, living with luis has clearly taught me all that i ever needed to know about the workings of the male mind. all illusions gone, all preconceptions shattered. this is great and fantastic, and isn't he the best housemate ever!?!

but on the other hand, i'd really like to go back to living with girls, please. and no! not just for the lesbian excitement potential! because i'd like to go back to a time where i was NOT in fact secondguessing myself or 'strategizing' or having minor spells of major anguish over the slightest of details. and instead be 200% empowered and 90% disdainful of men. 170% comfortable with irrationality. some great girl living situations have included, but are not limited to, ALL of them - in some way or another. from cty to nysssa to jsa to kc3 to dc and beyond...whether it's on baltimore or locust, living with girls is, and forever will be, the best. BEING a girl is the best! woop woop!

today my mom and i discussed how i once used to want a rhodes scholarship, and how cute that is, in light of my current GPA and noticeably 'loose' academic and personal trajectories, etc. i really was motivated by the presentation on fellowships, though, and maybe if i can find something interesting to research, it'll be really interesting. and also interesting. full moon just won't stop playing on spinner! i really have changed since last summer - and for the better, naturally...always for the better! is this preternatural cheer unnerving?! i'm trying to be as transparent as a pulp song and twice as nice!